7 Disturbing Foods You Can Buy in a Can

Though we know they’re typically packed with preservatives of some sort, most of us still eat certain things out of a can from time to time. Soup, vegetables, sauces: these are just a few of the canned products that we don’t think twice about digging into. But there are other foods that have no business coming from a can. If you’re going to eat one or more of the following treats, you’d be better off getting them anywhere besides a can.

  1. Cheese

    Cheese in a can is as American as apple pie … in a can. Go to most other countries and tell them about Easy Cheese or Cheez Whiz, and expect their jaws to drop. While cheese in a can does typically contain some cheese, often cheddar, it is mixed with other ingredients — whey, canola oil, etc. — to give it that unsettling consistency that sprays so neatly onto crackers (or straight into your mouth). They do have spray-can cheese in Canada, but they also eat poutine there, so it’s not all that surprising.

  2. Snails

    It seems like anyone brave enough to cook escargot at home would be brave enough to go out and hunt the snails themselves, but alas, the canning industry has simplified the process for all of us. The fully cooked, canned snails typically have a shelf-life of about a year and come without shells, so you don’t have to do any of the dirty work … besides preparing and eating the little buggers. If you’ve never tried escargot before, you might be better off going to a restaurant instead of dealing with the squishy creatures straight from the can.

  3. Bread

    Imagine the fluffy, fresh bread you find at your local bakery. This is not even close. Bread in a can is normally a sweet, heavy, brown bread that people often toast and use as breakfast or a side dish. Even if it sounds disgusting to those who haven’t acquired the taste, many people swear by the stuff as the perfect complement to a meal of baked beans or burgers.

  4. Bacon

    Sure, you love bacon, but is it still bacon if it wasn’t freshly sizzling in a pan? Yoders canned bacon gives you 40 to 50 slices of deliciously preserved cooked bacon with added smoke flavor. Now, we can understand buying a case of 12 cans (it’ll cost you $110, by the way) for your end-of-the-world hideout, but other than an Armageddon situation, you should just throw some raw bacon on the stove. Have some respect for the bacon, people!

  5. Cheeseburger

    Even if you gave in to that bacon craving and broke into your canned stockpile, you’re still probably not desperate enough to bite into this wonder of modern science, the cheeseburger in a can. While the photo in the ad for this canned treat makes it look like a deliciously juicy burger with fluffy buns and fresh veggies, the real product is decidedly different. Many of the taste-testers online have been disappointed (but not really all that surprised) by the soggy bread and vegetable paste. The canned burger might not be all that different, though, than one from McDonald’s, which have been known to last years without decomposing.

  6. Squid

    Maybe our palates aren’t as refined as the people eating this food, but if we’re going to eat squid, it’s going to be fresh. You could argue that eating squid from a can is no different than digging into a can of tuna, but there’s something unsettling about plunging your fork into the canned chewy sea creature and its ink sauce. It probably doesn’t help that Amazon can’t say more about it than the fact that it’s easy to open and has a “firm, chewy texture” and a “unique flavor.” We’ll stick to our Chicken of the Sea, thanks.

  7. Spam

    How could we leave out the meat product so famous that it has its own Monty Python sketch and has lent its name to annoying junk emails? Spam is a classic when it comes to weird canned foods; it’s as loved by some as it is feared by others. The ingredients include pork shoulder and ham, potato starch, and a preservative — nothing too disgusting — but the gelatinous coating that forms around the product (a product of the meat stock cooling) is too much to handle for people who prefer their meat products jelly-free.

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